What should I do? My GF is saying that either we get married or she will dump me. We have a 7-year relationship but I’m still not ready to get married. I love her but she is leaving me unless we arrange a wedding in the next 3 months. Below are some comments from readers
Reading some other answers is disappointing.
She is not threatening you. She is not forcing you to do anything. She is simply saying she will leave if she is not married in 3 months. She is ‘threatening’ with her own self preservation, respect and decisions that are best for her. She isn’t coming at you with a knife, or threatening your well-being in any way. She has simply lost patience after 7 years.
Why some of the men here see that as an immoral threat, I don’t know. She is simply stating cause and effect. How far some of these men are buried down the rabbit hole, where they believe a women belongs to them and is ‘threatening’ with her freedom, and instead should stay strung along to a guy who is clearly incompatible in not wanting the same thing as her by instead preferring to preserve the option himself to leave at any time, as she was open to recognize and nice enough to give some time for him to decide or realize that, boggles my mind. If she left, right now, because of her reasons, there would be less vilification. The fact she gave three months leeway instead, is why people think she is the bad guy. It’s ridiculous.
Marry her or let her go. It’s that simple.
What you should do is examine your life goals.
Your GF is simple. She wants to be married to you because she loves you, and possibly have kids. However, after seven years, she sees her dreams are not being realized and doesn’t want to waste time on someone who doesn’t have the same goals.
So she’s giving you a heads up. While she loves you, it’s not enough to cover the empty feeling she has that she’s not living her life to the fullest.
This is the point where you are honest with yourself. If you aren’t ready to get married after seven years, you probably never will be. Love is not enough. The two of you have to be compatible in life goals and dreams.
Three months is enough time to figure out if the two of you are compatible for marriage. Seven years is more than enough. Be mature enough to step up or step back. If you truly love her, you’ll set her free to live the life she wants, or you’ll stand beside her helping her to live the life she wants.
She’s not being selfish, she’s being honest. Time for you to do the same.
I had a girlfriend who was you. We were together about 6 years and lived together 5 years. I pretty much supported her throughout the relationship both emotionally and financially. We both had our share of finances and I will say, she is the better money manger. I gave her the ultimatum of being at least engaged or we call it quits.
Long story short, we called it quits. 2 years or so later, I meet my now wife and after 3 years, we have a daughter and one more on the way. while dating my now wife, my ex sent me an email and used House of Cards as her metaphor. I thought it was very fitting and thoughtful for her to make the connection. She said:
”I realized that throughout our relationship, I was Francis and you were my Claire. I always thought that what I was doing things for us. My goals were for both of us, so I dragged you along to my goals and aspirations. I never once believed my goals weren’t your goals. For that, I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve tried to see your view and listened to your goals and aspirations.”
I think her saying that summed it up pretty good. If you truly love your significant other, consider their goals and aspirations. Sometimes it isn’t about the perfect timing or having everything in place before you make that jump. For me, I truly could not see how our lives would’ve changed. She and I lived together.
We shared expenses, shared chores, shared holidays with family, her family loved and knew me, mine loved and knew her. In all regards, she and I were married without the title. She saw it as something else.
If you’re hesitant, maybe it isn’t that you’re not ready, maybe it’s because you don’t want to commit. In that regard, you’re being selfish and holding your significant other back from truly reaching her goals and aspirations in a relationship.
Say “Goodbye” and leave.
Don’t make the same mistake I did at age 27. My GF of 4 years came to me with the same bullshit story. “My lease is up and my parents won’t let us live together unless we are married, so we need to either get married or break up.”
I had a 50/50 chance and yet I caved to pressure and “doing the right thing” and agreed to get married. I knew it was the wrong choice and my best friend tried to talk me out of it on my wedding night, but I didn’t want to disappoint everyone at the last minute, and for that I spent three and a half years in hell.
If you aren’t “ready” to get married after 7 years you won’t ever be ready. When I met my current wife I came home from my trip to pick her up and after 2 days I told all my family I was getting married. They seemed puzzled and said “I didn’t even know you were dating anyone.” When it’s right, it’s right. We have been married over 20 years now.
Run, don’t walk, as fast as you can to the nearest exit and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.